By:
Janice Hardy
One
of the more obvious forms of telling is the when statement. These phrases slip
into the prose because the author knows what happens and describes the scene
with that knowledge. Problem is, they usually convey too much in the wrong
sequence, so that "when" sucks all the show out of the sentence.
If you're getting "it feelstold " feedback, try checking your scene
for when . Is your protagonist stating her motivations before she acts? Does the
chronology feel out of whack? When statements can give the text a detached
feel, as if the protagonist is explaining things after the fact and not
actually participating in them. It slips into telling, even though it might
feel like showing because it's describing action.
If you're getting "it feels
Look for sentences such as...
. .
.
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