By: Jessi Rita Hoffman
One of the
hardest scenes to successfully write is the love scene. In your mind you may
picture a moving, romantic interlude, but down on paper, you find it reads like
melodrama—or worse. This can spell disaster for your novel, particularly if the
entire book is building to this scene and it needs to be stupendous to carry
the story.
In my work as a
book editor and writing coach, I see a lot of limping love scenes. Some of the
problems are those of amateur fiction writing in general: too many clutter words,
repetition of details, and inconsistent spatial narration (one minute he’s
holding her hand and the next minute he takes her hand, for example).
Clichés are
another problem, and they really stand out in a love scene. Lines like “kisses
away the tears, tasting their salt,” or “she was surprised by the sweetness of
his kiss,” or “I think about you day and night” can spoil a tender moment with
their staleness.
Chauvinism is
another common problem—along with what I call “slutification.” Lines like
“there was still so much about her that was pure and innocent” may offend
women readers, as will oversexed descriptions of the heroine.
But the greatest
flaw I commonly see in love scenes written by aspiring novelists is the flaw of
excess. For a love scene to move readers, it must embody the principle of
restraint—in dialogue, in description, and in the characters’ actions.
A Lesson from the Victorians
. . .
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